The Art of Whining

Whining is an art. I should know. I am an expert on it. I Whine everyday, sometimes at least three times a day (or more), oh yes this woman can Whine the hell out of the day!
Found myself thinking about the reason why people Whine so much. What is it about this art that fascinates us so, that we can’t spend a day without doing it. Maybe we’re  just bored of being home on holiday so we Whine about not having anything to do besides clean, cook, take care of kids, do loads of laundry, watch favourite shows, read, write, go on social media, go out in the sunshine, stay in and netflix and chill…seems like alot? Well it isn’t. We are bored and we Whine about it.

The thing is when we work we Whine about not having time to do all those things, we Whine about how much we would like to be home and do all those things that we whined about doing, when we were home.

So what do we want. We don’t know. So we Whine about not knowing!

If we get attention we Whine because people are annoying and we just want to be left alone. If we don’t get attention we Whine because nobody gives two shits about us and we are lonely and basically alone in this world until we die! And then we Whine some more because we are being negative and we should think happy rainbow thoughts. And then we Whine because if we want to be negative and miserable we should be aloud to do so.

So this is a very hard art to conquer and that brush isn’t going to move itself. So we decide we aren’t going to Whine anymore. We are going to live a Whine free life.

So we start the day fresh. We (women who live with the opposite sex) wake up and decide it’s going to be a Whine free day. So we go for our first wee of the day, keep in mind we are still sleepy, and we sit down and realize we just got our legs completely wet. And the liquid was not water. No sir it wasn’t. So there goes our Whine free day. Why? Why? Why? You whine to yourself. And then we whine some more to those little hose bearing creatures!

Well its simple, people (men) don’t know how to put the freakin seat up. But it’s understandable of course, men actually take a wee at night and because they have night vision, they don’t need to turn on the light or aim! You’d think the hole would be big enough… But no, they didn’t do it. It wasn’t them! It was the misterious toilet fairies that live in our bathroom that were splashing around in our toilet because they use it as a pool while we sleep.

But enough is enough! We decide that’s the first and last of it. No more whining today. Until you look in the mirror….

Whining about our image is the most common cenario of this art form.

We Whine about the wrinkles, the dry skin, the oily skin, the lack of makeup choices (even though we have a full drawer and we don’t use half of it), the too much makeup, the mustache that is barely visible, the spots, the freckles, the blemishes, the eye brows… We would be there all day just whining about our face…

Then the hair. Don’t even get us started on the hair. Too frizzy, too straight, too curly, too light, too dark, too long, too short, needs a change, too much grey hair…And then we do a whole different Whine on the side, just on grey hair, and how we are getting old, and how we looked fabulous five years ago and how our friend or our neighbour or the super models and famous people don’t have grey hair, except the old ones, but they totally pull it off! But we never will!

Then we get dressed. We don’t Whine!

Just joking. Getting dressed is a whineathon!!! We Whine because we have nothing to wear (too much choice), we whine because nothing fits and we gained a couple of pounds, we Whine because everything fits as we are being healthy and exercising and now we are too fit for our “fat” clothes. We Whine because other women are going to be looking better, sexier and smarter looking and we just look like hoboes! And finally we Whine about not having money to buy new clothes, or we Whine about having money but not having time or patience to shop. And then we Whine because the shops only sell clothes for perfect women, and we are not perfect, so we Whine about how our parents gave us the wrong genes and ruined our lives forever!

So we spend the day whining about nothing and everything! We Whine about traffic, being late because of traffic, people don’t know how to drive so there’s traffic, they drive too slow and hold up traffic, they drive too fast and they’re going to kill someone, they don’t know how to park because they parked so close to our car that we’re most likely be getting out through the trunk, or they park in the middle of two parking spaces, so they are inconsiderate pricks who took up two parking spaces even though the parking lot is empty and has space for fifty cars, but we Whine anyway because they are only aloud one space! Just one!

We get to work. We Whine about the coffee. Too hot, too cold, too strong, too weak… we Whine about having too much coffee, or not enough, we whine because we work and we stress out or we Whine about not being busy enough and we are bored out of our minds.

We go home at the end of the day and we Whine on the way home. We Whine because we are Tired, or sleepy, or we still need to cook, or we still have to go to the gym, or we can’t afford to go to the gym, or we are too lazy to do it. We Whine because we pass by the shop and the queue is massive, or the assistant takes to long, or some stupid insensitive person took our place while we went to get something we forgot. We whine when we get to the front door of our house and remember that we got everything we didn’t need at the shop, and forgot what we really needed…and that toilet roll was very important!

We finally make it home. No more complains. No more whining. Wrong.

We still Whine… and we always will…